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Vanessa DiCarlo

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[May. 25th, 2015|10:26 pm]
here's your lazy ass update on vanessa dicarlo: imagine kim kardashian's life, but with adriana lima's face. there.
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[Mar. 30th, 2010|03:10 pm]


Character Name: Vanessa DiCarlo
Age: 23 years old.
Previous update:: Here
Best remembered for: Being Abbott’s biggest bitch and queen bee, being conniving, promiscuous, catty, her friendship with Hayden, dating Julian, the cheerleader captain/whore squad, being put in a coma.
Current residence: Hollywood, USA
Where is she now? Where do to begin with Vanessa? After coming in third place on Dancing with the Stars (she claims there was a voting snafu), she continued sucking on Hollywood’s neck to ensure her fifteen minutes of fame would extend into a lifetime. Vanessa grabbed every endorsement that was thrown at her, including some weight loss ones although she never used the product. Flings with soccer players, catfights in front of Geisha House and providing snarky sound bites for US Weekly—all a part of her arsenal. There was a sex tape strategically released when her popularity started dwindling. Her fame catapulted higher than ever, especially since the sex tape was filmed with Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian’s on-and-off fiancé. That stroke of luck landed Vanessa her own reality show on E!, appropriately titled “Vanessa the Vixen”. Her show documents her materialistic, asinine life with her friends and family, including Hayden. Vanessa is working on a book, a clothing line and a perfume. Rumors have circulated that she wants to adopt a child from Bulgaria and become the next Angelina Jolie.
Romantic status Vanessa was engaged to the first drafted NFL player in 2009 for all of three months before breaking it off. She was never involved with Reggie Bush for longer than the two hours it took to film their sex tape. She claims she wants a serious relationship but knows deep down she would hate it and cheat the instant George, Brad or Matt give her the thumbs up.
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[Feb. 4th, 2008|01:36 am]



Character Name: Vanessa DiCarlo
Age: 21 years old.
Best remembered for: Being Abbott’s biggest bitch and queen bee, being conniving, promiscuous, catty, her friendship with Hayden, dating Julian, the cheerleader captain/whore squad, being put in a coma.
Reason for Abbott stay: Sexual promiscuity, abusing recreational drugs.
Current residence: New York City, USA.
Where is she now? Vanessa had a very high profile stay at Abbott Academy, making enemies as fast as she screwed the guys and had people fearing her. However she fell victim to the string of murders and attacks that occurred on campus in September of 2005. In a coma for a month, she miraculously awoke and had to endure a year of physical therapy to get back into shape. Despite the obstacles, she remained as strong-willed as ever. Vanessa gained her GED but decided that was all the school she needed. She worked as a model for a short while, also selling her story to several magazines and news shows about her attack and recovery. As expected, Vanessa loved the spotlight and became somewhat of a public figure and D-List celebrity that Perez Hilton loves to hate. Still wearing her skimpy outfits, she is training to be on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, paired with the ever so hot Maksim. She still keeps in contact with Hayden and continues their hedonistic lifestyle whenever they see each other. As for Julian and the rest? They're dead to her.
Romantic status Vanessa fell in “love” with one of the male nurses and engaged in a risky affair during her stay at the hospital. Afterwards, she reverted back to her promiscuous lifestyle and dated many of New York’s finest men. Currently she is dating one of the NBA’s biggest stars, but that relationship is already rumored to be on the rocks now that she’s training to be a dancer on ABC’s hit reality show.
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Sleeping Beauty [Sep. 20th, 2005|01:51 pm]
Don't you forget about me
Don't don't don't don't
Don't you forget about me )
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ABBOTT VICTIM FOUR- The Bitch Falls [Sep. 10th, 2005|10:05 pm]
Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
Clean me off
I'm so dirty babe
The kind of dirty where the water never cleans off the clothes
I keep a book of the names and those

Only goes so far 'til you bury them
So deep and down we go

Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace
I did it all so maybe I'd live this every day )
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Diamonds are a girl's best friend [Sep. 5th, 2005|11:34 pm]
[mood | horny]
[music |Meredith Brooks- Bitch]

Ugh, this school is crawling with losers to point where I want to scream and pay this serial killer to off them. Just today I had to bitch at several annoying people. Let’s start off with the two biggest losers of all: Henry and Mizrie. First off, hello can we say pathetic and cheap? Thank god someone showed them where they belonged at the dance and then again in the hallway. It was worth the $20. There is a social hierarchy at bottom and the two of you belong at the bottom where only the filth of the world grows. Don’t hurt your necks looking up at everyone.

I can’t forget to mention the newest enemy, Alanis. Bitch accused me of starting up rumors about her in that gossip column. Hun, I don’t know, I don’t care about your shitty existence so you can go die now. Why would I waste my time discussing you and your lameness? I have better things to do. Everyone is featured in the lovely gossip column; we chose not to let it get to us. When I first saw you at this school, I thought to myself, “I’ll just leave her be. She’s on her own path to destruction so why assist? It’s better to sit back and watch the fabulous show.? But now? You’ve just made yourself a new enemy and trust me; you don’t want to be Vanessa DiCarlo’s enemy.

Thank god I have my whore squad. Eliaphie, Brittany, Becky, Cals and Angie, I love you all for your hotness. We should so accept that cutie Kate into our little group. It’s a shame Faith left but now we have an opening!

And lastly, thank god for hot guys. Did Ace again but he’s no longer fun. Who else is there? Like Evan, when Topher opens his mouth, is the most annoying shithead here but when he shuts up, he can be pretty hot. I fucked him and I also fucked that new kid Vince McBane. Talk about major studly right there. Ladies, he has stamina. If I had synched it up right, that could have been a hot threesome right there. Oh well, I can dream and there’s always tomorrow to achieve that goal. Jason? Let’s talk.

Eight down.

I told Evan that Mercedes was negligent with Kaleb with her eating disorder and alcohol, prompting him to seek custody. :)
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All Eyes On Me [Sep. 4th, 2005|06:22 pm]
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you )
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I Love Being In My Own Skin [Sep. 1st, 2005|09:59 pm]
[music |I Wanna Sex You Up- Color Me Badd]

I absofuckinglutely love getting drunk with Gayden Monroe. I forget what night we got wasted but I came over to his room and had ourselves a little mini-party. The next thing I knew, we stripped our clothes and rolled around naked as complimented each other’s assets. C’mon, look at us, we’re beyond gorgeous. And then he got his camera out and we became picture whores cuz we’re so damn hot. Hayden promised me his sperm if we ever decided to procreate. The sex will include contraceptives of course, but the life will be created in some Petri dish and shoved into some surrogate. Hello, do I want to get fat? I don’t think so.

So this is what you’ve all been waiting for, the pictures You know you’ll enjoy it, lovers. )

Such a fabulous evening, we have to do it again and we have to get Eliaphie and Brittany to join us (and other men!). Not a lot else has happened, this school can be so boring! At least I have cheer practice tomorrow. Ooh, we have a new cheerleader and she is seven shades of fabulous! Kate, we love you and you’re such a benefit to the team. We’re so going to kick Rochester Academy’s asses, their cheerleaders are fat and they don’t know how to moisturize.

P.S. Now that Evan and Mercedes are done, I can finally say this: I fucked your boyfriend when you were going out. I did him good and hard on the basketball court.
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It Can Always Get Better [Aug. 29th, 2005|02:37 pm]
[mood | restless]
[music |The Pussycat Dolls- Dontcha]

Let me start off this entry by congratulations to my very good friend Brittany Fuller on winning the race for Queen. Talk about load of bullshit. WHAT THE FUCK? Are people crazy or something? I’m the goddamn queen of this school. Actually no, this school is lame. I bet that bitch Tatum rallied up her loser friends, brought Julian and Brianne along to rig the votes. That figures, they’re jealous. C’mon, look at my face and body. I’m Vanessa and I was the Homecoming Princess, Spring Queen and Voted Most Attractive back in Florida. Ugh, losers at this school. I hope someone offs them like now. Hun, you look fabulous with that plastic tiara. *kisses*

The dance was less-than-exciting but it still provided its kicks. I partied the night with Hayden, Eliaphie with her lover Ethan, Britt with Kyle and occasionally my date...um, his name was Ace? Hayden was all over me like a hetero and I wanted more but he’s so freaking gay and I love him for that. That boy saved me from a wardrobe malfunction…not that I would have minded one. There’s nothing on this body to be ashamed of. I also ran into Tony so unbelievably hot and adorable. Mia? Ugh. Jealousy isn’t my thing, really. and we shared a few dances, caught up on old times.

And sadly, it seems like Sophie is staying here. Eliaphie, we should go grief over this fact by drinking with Brittany and then starting off a collection to pay for Sophie’s ticket back to the trailer park. Once the mission is accomplished, we can celebrate some more with Cosmopolitans and then target the next loser.

Alright bitches, I’m of to cheer practice, those uniforms are looking oh so fetch! And then maybe I’ll squeeze in a little tour for Jason Adams? He is Abbott’s latest import from Hotsville so I can’t pass up that opportunity. Ta-ta!
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Vanessa DiCarlo is your queen [Aug. 24th, 2005|01:51 am]
[mood | busy]
[music |I Wanna Be Bad - Willa Ford]

Me, nominated for Summer Nights queen? I wasn’t expecting this at all since I’m just another girl at Abbott Academy!

It is such an honor to be up against my fellow whore squad ladies. You all are beautiful but don’t forget I am the prettiest of all, you hags and wenches and no matter who wins me, the seven of us will rock this little dance in our sexy numbers. This is going to be so much fun! Ace asked me out today and of course I said yes. Hello, every whore needs to get laid post-dance and we know Ace does the job well. It's a shame he wasn't nominated for king but hey, any of those other guys will fill the shoes just fine. I've seen their shoe sizes and must I say, size matters.

Don’t forget to vote for me, Vanessa DiCarlo. Love ya! )
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The Fabulous Life [Aug. 21st, 2005|11:23 pm]
[mood | dirty]
[music |My Goodies- Ciara]

Surprise surprise, I am gossip fodder. Folks, I am lovin’ each and every second of it. Call me a whore, a slut, STD chick and bitch. But remember my name, Vanessa DiCarlo. Don’t ever let it slip your less-than-nimble mind.

Cheerleading squad, I don’t want to do this but for the love of god, watch your figures. Yes, most of you are sexy bitches but you don’t want to end up like a plump loser. You don’t want to end up like my sister who is fat and wishes she had a bod like me. I don’t want to put on one of those lame calorie counting regimens but it might be the best for all of us to lose a little weight. Don’t do what a certain person does and vomits. Cheerleaders must have great smiles and I don’t want those stomach acids fucking your teeth. And must I mention that we need to work on our back handsprings? Oh, and the aerials too. We can’t forget those. I also ordered these new uniforms which should be coming next Thursday. We need to meet and make some slutty alterations.

Speaking of slutty alterations, I have narrowed down my attire for this upcoming dance. This sexy number is on its way from Paris and should be here until the next 48 hours or I will bitch out the good people at Gucci.

This little school dance better be worth it. I am expecting mayhem, ecstasy in the punch bowl and dance-offs between hos. People, live a little. Life is short, we are young and sexy and we need to make living worth it. Sooner or later, a school bus is going to hit you so do something now before you’re crippled like Jasper.

I should go pay Ace and/or Evan a visit. Ta-ta, lovers!
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The Cat Has Your Tongue [Aug. 18th, 2005|01:43 am]
[mood | impressed]
[music |Nancy Sinatra- Bang Bang My Baby Shot Me Down]

I just spent a relaxing day at the spa, nice alone time in the nude. Well, not fully nude since that hot Swedish guy wraps me in all sorts of seaweed and cucumbers. After dealing with all these bitches at Abbott, it’s nice to chill out for a day or two. I sorely miss my Eliaphie and I hope she gets back from whatever she’s doing. It better not be another photo shoot or else I am once again the envy girl and you know what that does for my perfect skin.

After cheerleading practice, I met up with Ace for some "fun". He does this fantastic thing with his tongue but I won’t gross your virgin ears out. It’s good to have sex with a real man after that one nameless fucker I dated for a good two months. Ace will help me purge of all the Julian sin.

Speaking of hot fuckers, Evan tried to show me how to play basketball but instead we made out and did the dirty deed right there on the court. The second time was in my room since Eliaphie is temporarily gone. Oh god, he is so fucking hot. He knows how to work his hands. I don’t care if he has that tacky girlfriend of his. What’s her name again? I think I signed her up for pole dancing classes once but she’s too fat to hold herself up against it. That guy loves playing the game at late hours in the evening. He really does bring a new definition to tall, dark and handsome. But I wish he would shut up and kiss me with some of his comments.

Five six down. Time to go bitch at my fellow cheerleaders and tell them to work on their Arabesques.
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Vogue it [Aug. 12th, 2005|05:29 pm]
[mood | thirsty]
[music |Dirrty by Christina Aguilera]

So Callie and Angie are Romy and Michele and I guess Britt, Eliaphie (hottest blonde EVER) and I are those girls that ended up pregnant. But in my movie, all the girls hung out together and were BFFLs. Also babies? Ewwww, who wants to drag around something like that? Take about turn off. Back to Miss Walsh and Smith. C’mon, who could hate on Callie and Angie? Those two have class, sass and ass and you know those are the three most important qualities of a female friend in my book. Girls, we have to hang out soon. Wes wants us to go clubbing so let’s make Mr. Hot Abs happy.

Omigod, Becky and Roxy are after the same guy. Adam Hunter is a true hottie and I would dig my talons into him but I’m too busy with Ace and Evan now. Becky and Roxy fighting is comparable to clash of the motherfucking fashion Titans. Who will win and get the fuck prize? Who will get the brush off? This is juicy and I cannot wait for this to unfold...

One last note, I saw some raisins today and thought they were Julian’s shriveled testicles. I shouldn’t insult those raisins.

P.S. I have failed to mention Callie’s wonderful friend Faith Moretti. That girl has some wicked style and I can so see us taking her under our wing in this hot circle of friends.
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Don't Grow a Soul Now [Aug. 8th, 2005|02:10 am]
[mood | exhausted]
[music |Rachael Yamagata- Quiet]

The Antagonist Takes the Stage )
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Sell your soul [Aug. 6th, 2005|05:50 pm]
[mood | enthralled]
[music |Jewel- Intuition]

How does a confident girl get over her spineless ex-boyfriend-type? She goes out with five of Abbott’s hottest bitches. New girl Roxy, best friends Eliaphie (<3) and Brittany, Elia’s friend London, up-and-coming Becky who was acting weird and I hit the upper eastside of New York and crashed a hot club. Eliaphie had the hookups so the bouncer let us in easy so that we could wreck havoc on all the men there. A night of bar top dancing, lesbian kisses and body shots, what more could I ask for? Did I mention lots and lots of hooking up? We must do this again, ladies. Hayden, don’t think I forgot about you and our gay clubbing with Brittany. You know you have honorary girly parts.

So I kissed Tony Call the other day, big deal. It wasn’t like I was some homewrecker and did it multiple times. Do you see us dating now? No, I don’t think so. Some people need to get over it. Tony is a sizzlin’ hot, genuinely nice guy so snatch him before I think twice and dig my claws into him. He’s too sincere of a guy for me anyway; I wouldn’t want to complicate his life.

So where does this leave me? I’m still the Glamazon you all know and love. Well, I’m sure there’s hatred too but you know it’s just love in progress. I hate to be that mopey bitch who cries boohoo over her lame ex. Consider this closure. Tomorrow is just another day to walk on and over someone.
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Karma Comes Around [Aug. 1st, 2005|10:56 pm]
[mood | predatory]
[music |The Crying Game by Culture Club]

So it seems like Julian and Brianne have been inspecting each other’s tonsils. They’re such great friends, spending all this time together...bull fucking shit. Yup that’s right, they kissed each other...not once, but twice. Actually, how can I trust him on that number? I wonder if she took him all the way to the promise land? I wouldn’t be surprised, does anything really surprise me these days?

I’ve always considered myself the homewrecker in equations but I guess little miss innocent Brianne surpasses me. I’m not an idiot, I had inklings. You’re both sick! OMGWHATASHOCKER! Julian’s always tired when I see him, I guess you’ve been lipping it up and sapping his energy.

Brianne, I hope you’re doing well with your “problem.? I really hope Julian can help you through these hard times with his healing kisses. Call me if you ever feel like sharing a cracker.
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Your secret's out [Jul. 28th, 2005|10:18 pm]
[mood | accomplished]
[music |Call Me- Blondie]

God, I am officially gay-ed out for the evening. Brittany, Gayden (Hayden) and I went gay-clubbing downtown. Oh god, hot shirtless guys everywhere and there was nothing we could do about it. Hayden got more than his fair share of ass (and ass and ass…) while Brittany and I drank our sorrows. Oh yes, this carpet munching dyke hit on me so I flirted for awhile until she copped a feel of one of my babes. Always a quick one, I pretend Britt was my bitch and told her to back off. Julian, baby that’s not cheating right? Next time, you’re coming with us Becky. (You too Eliaphie! That’s if we can pry you away from Ethan)

Someone’s stepsister spilled the beans about someone’s problem. Oh what the heck, Brianne has an eating disorder! That figures, c’mon she’s not exactly the poster girl for self-assurance and confidence. Ewww, why would Julian like Miss Insecurity? I know he’s helping her through this difficult time and all but gag me. Could she be more needy?

While we’re doing this strikeout thingy, I gave Julian the blackmail tapes of Jagger beating up his daddy dearest. That’ll prove to him how much I care for him.


I need to take a long nice bath. Maybe I let the guy in the adjacent building with the binoculars have some fun.

P.S. Julian, you need to get energized so I can take that energy away.

P.P.S. I know a little secret...anyone care to know?
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I've got my eye on you [Jul. 24th, 2005|02:22 pm]
[mood | predatory]
[music |Heart of Glass- Blondie]

Ugh, Julian and I sorta got into this jarring exchange of words. Why do I push him away? When he gets too far, I hate it and pull him back. I need to find that comfort zone, how far I want to keep him away yet not let him stray. He better not stray if the boy wants to keep his family “Jules?. Whatever really, I don’t like the relationship dramatics but I believe we can work it out. It was just some immature ramblings that couple-types go through.

Brittany and I got so drunk last night I swear it wasn’t a “I got into a fight with my boyfriend, let’s go get drunk to forget it? night, its amazing that we came back in one piece. That girl has a dam of a stomach to hold in all that good booze. Tell me babe, how the fuck are you so skinny when you drink that much?

Must run off to the pole-dancing/stripper class now. I hear today we get to perform in front of the class. I expect to see some old men tag along with their haggy wives for a good show.
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Bow down to royalty [Jul. 21st, 2005|12:30 am]
[mood | rejuvenated]
[music |Pink, Lil Kim, Mya, Xtina- Lady Marmalade]

Oh my goddess, we can officially call me the green-eyed monster because I am dying of jealousy. My best bitch Eliaphie is going to be feature in InStyle. I so live for that magazine! When I doing my little model jobs here and there, I said that after Vogue, Elle, Harper’s Bazaar and Cosmo, I’d get InStyle! Eliaphie, be sure to mention your closest ho at this school. Really, I am the only one worth mentioning.

I will not give my sister the pleasure of being mentioned. Okay well, the pleasure of being mentioned without strikeouts. Goddess, just stop calling for money and diapers. Just stop, Natalie. I'm done with the calls, the lettersm everything. You got yourself in this years ago, don't try and pull that "We're blood" crap. It won't work. I am not, will not be your burden. I don’t need that in my life. I don’t to feel those things, that isn’t me.

Okay huns, I must go get drunk with Brittany now. Love ya!

P.S. Hayden, call me when you get back from California. We so need to console you and have singlemingle fun (although I’m still with Jules!)
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This is only a test [Jul. 17th, 2005|09:26 pm]
[mood | loved]
[music |Christina Aguilera- Dirrty]

The boyfriend-type is back and the universe is back in harmony. I showered him with loads of TLC (Tender-love-care, not the singing trio from the nineties) enough to keep him fine for the next few months. I actually thought about making this official the other night. What the fuck was I on when I thought that? Jules, don't leave again.

The stripper classes are moving along quite nicely. I love that I can mix in my yogilates with some kinky fun. And hey, I love that I'm signed up with some of my best bitches...except I haven't seen Eliaphie or Mercy in there in awhile! Girls, you need to rediscover this lost, sensual art. Your boyfriends will love it. I should so have Britt sign up for this.

This whole blackmail thingy with Jagger is such a bore. Yawn, move it along now. I should just give the tapes to the cops or to Jagger because frankly, it no longer excites me. Maybe I'll stir some fun up with the other losers in this hellhole.
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